Are you a Perfectionist?
There was a discussion in my office yesterday re the merits/demerits of being a perfectionist. The dictionary defines Perfectionism as ‘refusal to accept any standard short of perfection’. People who are Perfectionists may believe that ‘they should never make mistakes, they should never need to ask for help from others, they are never perfect, etc. Perfectionism has been linked to developing anxiety, depression, obsessiveness, anorexia, and suicidal thoughts. Researchers in psychology have often talked about the healthy adaptive trait and the non-adaptive side of being a perfectionist.
One of the best articles on the topic is Perfectionism and maladjustment: An overview of theoretical, definitional, and treatment issues.
Some of the questions that came up during our discussion were:
When is it good to be a perfectionist?
When does it become a maladaptive trait?
What are some of the ways we can cope with it?
If people are born with a perfectionistic trait, can they learn to change?
People often talk about high standards and striving towards those standards. Usually, it’s a good thing. We often see elite musicians and athletes working really hard to get to that ‘perfect’ state. It helps people to achieve peak performance. However, when its ‘perfection’ that is the goal, the goal moves every time they achieve it. There is no room for mistakes because even a tiny mistake is catastrophic in their minds.
People start believing in their minds that they may not be as capable as they thought they were. They start comparing themselves to others who may or may not be more successful than themselves. They may also start to see themselves as failures if they don’t meet the self-rated high standards. Some people stop trying because it’s challenging to face failure.
Since perfectionists are self-critical, the inner voice never stops. This can often lead to feeling anxious, depressed, hypercritical, and frustrated. Changing the thinking and thought process can often lead to feeling less anxious and stressed.
5 Phrases that Perfectionists can say to themselves
I am improving; I don’t have to be perfect. I am doing my best. Nobody is perfect.
Making a mistake does not mean I am stupid or a failure. Making mistakes is human. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.
I don’t need to compare myself to others. I am me.
I will have good days and bad days, just like everyone else.
I am grateful for my strengths.
It's often helpful to set realistic expectations and recognize when perfectionism is leading to self-doubt, catastrophic thinking, and unrealistic fear of failure. Taking a fresh perspective and setting an intention to practice change in thinking is also very helpful.
